I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I could fuck to npr.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
