also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
