My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
