I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
