please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My penis needs a shock collar
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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