I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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