Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
