how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize