I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
