i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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