I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
