Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
