This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
