Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
