some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
