Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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