Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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