The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
