I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
