she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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