he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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