We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
id be glad to
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
