I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
