So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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