just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
