Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
