Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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