rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
