Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
