thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
