but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize