you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize