Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I smell like Dick and happiness
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