Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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