I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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