is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize