when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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