Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
