need another drink. this is the easiest way
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
