Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
