wanna go halves on a baby?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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