We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
