I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
