Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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