Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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