you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
