i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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