Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
