Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
