If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And then my night got REAL pukey
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize