Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
