My cat gives me a boner
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
