arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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