the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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