i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
