I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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