i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im six kinds of drunk right now
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
