lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
