woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
