my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
