My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
