My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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