nut hugger
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
