when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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