dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
