That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
