On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's blow job season.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
