We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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