I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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